It's been 12 days since I last posted here, and I don't know why I've left it so long again. When I first begun 'My Love Affair With The Devil', I was convinced that I would have something to write about each and every day. Clearly, I don't.
I seem to write best when I'm inspired, which only leads me to believe that I do not create enough inspirational opportunities for myself. (Note to self - Good idea for a New Years resolution!)
So, what was I inspired by that has led me to write a post this evening? A couple of things actually..
I seem to have spent most of today feeling negative. I'm so quick to notice something that I don't like or don't agree with, almost too quickly that I forget to appreciate the things around me that I do like and should enjoy.
Secondly, I read a recent post by someone I know and was truly inspired by what they wrote and how good can easily switch to bad, right can quickly turn to wrong; Often without us knowing.
As my previous posts have illustrated, the last couple of months have been a bit of a roller coaster journey for me, and I definitely wouldn't choose to experience them again. I've also been saddened to learn that those who I have believed to be my true friends for a number of years can rapidly become strangers for no reason what so ever.
If I think about it all too much, I become genuinely upset. Letting go of someone you care for is tough, and in the last quarter of 2011 I have done that to someone I love and I seem to be having to do it to a couple of friends.
Are such decisions right or wrong? Aren't we supposed to fight for what we want and do all that we can to hold onto people and objects which make us happy. Surely if you care about something you're supposed to hold on tight to it with two hands, not let it walk away from you.
A fantastic theory and somewhat compelling, but a lot easier said than done.
My life seems to have gotten into a habit of constantly throwing obstacles at me to deal with and get past. I'm aware that I have dealt with various issues in the past and gotten through them in time, but perhaps I didn't notice them as much because they came less often, rather than all at once.
I'm proud of myself for maintaining a fighting spirit with regards to one or two obstacles, but I've almost begun to think that if something is meant to me you needn't fight so hard for it and should instead let fate work its magic.
Fate;
Noun: The development of events outside a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.
Unfortunately I don't really believe in the whole 'supernatural' malarkey, so my belief of 'if it's meant to be it will work itself out' isn't looking too great right now. Talk about contradicting myself!
It would be great if I could have a sneaky peek into a crystal ball right now. I don't want to see my entire life's journey, but I would really appreciate being able to see a few months down the line so that I could know which choices to make right now. Is what I'm selecting to do each day good or bad? Right or wrong?
My decisions in life haven't always been great, but they have made me the person I am now and I'm not doing too badly as I type. However.. I seem to be facing some life changing decisions at the moment and I am truly scared that I'm going to get them wrong which will results in being on a path in life that I really don't want to be on.
So, my conclusion to all this rabbling? Gosh, I have no idea.
Time to go and ponder...
No comments:
Post a Comment